i have no one and no place to vent my displeasures on, so i chose here and hope i would feel better.

Its quite a straining day and when i got home, my mum was nowhere in sight..probably went to do some errands with my uncles. And there was my freakin dad who was lying on the sofa and said.

" i tell your brother to eat outside. i don't know if you are eating at home not. Your mum dun know go where "

Then i said..Its okie.Maybe mum would call.

He Sniggered and said.." Like she would buy~..."

so i asked him back. You din buy for us as well, why are you judging people like that?

Like fuck, he come home early and my mum must prepare all the stuff for him to eat at home ar?..and wait for him like a king? fuck you.

Marrying you does not mean losing her freedom as well. She can her own activities as well. And since you din play a part ( buy dinner) , you can jolly well shut the fuck up and go back to sleep. I believed my mum would call, if not she would volunteer to go to the nearest coffee shop and buy for us.

You din buy and volunteer yourself and there you are sniggering that people are selfish too. What the heck is with these selfish people? or rather stupid old fashioned no brain daddies.

Yes, i noe u provide for the family and i am absolutely greatful for that. But that does not mean we have to treat u like god or king and serve you and also take ur tantrums.

So...i attempted to explain to him if u dun volunteer then dun fucking talk so much. And there he was speaking in a I-AM-ALWAYS-RIGHT tone and said.." You wait for your mum's call lor. you wait you wait loR~"

YES, i will wait! So i said " She will call lor...and if she called you give me $ 50 dollars." (i am confident my mum will call). And he shut up. He was like an absolute fool here.

There was a time when the family's future hopes lies on my shoulders. (Coz my bro din really do very well in his studies). I put in effort in my studies till secondary school. And after i went to poly, i am tired and therefore slack a bit and my results didn't help me to gain in entry to a very good university.

Then was the sarcastic remarks and comments that were made by relatives, as they expect i could go to a more recognizable uni and their kids were exceptionally talented or otherwise, excel well in their studies. Then there was peer pressure where my close mates - both matt n jj were able to choose any course in either Nus or ntu (as their results were remarkable).

The last blow was from my parents. My dad was exceptionally unhappy with the university i am entering and blamed me for being so complacent during my poly days. It was then a relative suggested that i take up a degree from UOL and work in london since some of my relatives are there. (which i think is impossible) My dad then simmered down and didn't say any insensitive remarks after that. ( or isit he talk lesser to mi therefore i heard lesser of those. lol)

Despite these, i still remain my stand and put up a strong front in defense of myself. As it was me who slacked and didn't put much effort in my poly days, who can i blame? In order to cover for myself, i said i am interested in business. ( as i cannot go to nus- food science) Truely, theres slight interest.

Then there was a disclosure of a food science course provided by a top university in Germany. Somehow or rather i felt dispersed and don't know if my decision was correct. I just have to go ahead and take a step at a time. When tests are coming, i don't have the heart to study, as i felt theres no one to slog together with me. i lost the motivation source........

I need to earn money as soon as possible.

I cannot be short of cash when the Festive season is approaching!

Omg....

So..Matt suggested i go teach tuition on maths for primary school kids. (sec maths - no confidence)

But i am afraid of meeting irritating kids...LOL!

He had actually taught a pri 3 kid and was explaining a question, something like this.

Anyway! Ayumi' 2006 arena Tour is out! But hell, it cost 30+! It was more expensive the past years!

Sigh....guess i had to hold that for some time. T.T

I wouldn't mind if someone is kind enough to wrap it up as a christmas pressie. =)